The Job Interview

Employer

Interviewee (not too swift)

Employer

To save time, we can fill out your application while we talk.... now then... what’s your name?

Interviewee

My name? My NAME? Hmmm... lesseee.... (humming: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear JOHN... ) Oh, it’s John.

Employer

I see. Well then John, let’s get some detailed information about you.... Height?

Interviewee

About this (gesturing) high.

Employer

Weight?

Interviewee

(sits there)

Employer

Weight??

Interviewee

(Sits there patiently)

Employer

John, what is your WEIGHT?

Interviewee

Oh, I thought you told me to WAIT. My weight is 175.

Employer

(Shaking head)

Sex?

Interviewee

No thanks, I just flossed.

Employer

(getting flustered) NO, what is your... oh, never mind... male.

Interviewee

I get Email?

Employer

No! Oh.... nevermind. Hair?

Interviewee

Yes.

Employer:

Eyes?

Interviewee:

Yes, two.

Employer

Greatest Work Accomplishment?

Interviewee

Well, at the last company I worked for in the first six months I single handedly brought about a 257% increase in net profits while cutting operating costs in half, grossing our largest profits ever recorded, payed off all capital expenses and we still had enough for a 14% raise for every employee.

Employer

Well, that’s QUITE impressive. What would be your greatest weakness then?

Interviewee

Well, I tend to exaggerate a bit.

Employer

I see. Reason for leaving your last job?

Interviewee

It sucked.

Employer

Desired Position?

Interviewee

Reclining.

Employer:

Desired Salary

Interviewee

$185,000 a year plus full stock options, a company car, access to the Leer Jet and a private villa in the Bahamas... if that’s not possible, make any offer and we can haggle.

Employer

You do realize this is McDonalds, don’t you?

Interviewee

Yeaaaaah. I guess the company car is out of the question then?

Employer

Well, you know, I think you’ll fit in here just fine.... and I’d like to offer you a job. Your first duty will be to sweep out the store.

Interviewee

SWEEP?? But I are COLLEGE GRADUATE!

Employer

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how....