Rookie Mistake pt. 1-2

Movie Myron Sketches

by Timothy Meinke

The screenwriter has access to three Twin Cities movie theatres.

Myron……………………………….................Rookie movie usher

Marvin………………………………................Veteran movie usher

Announcer………………………………..........Voice-over

Rover………………………………..................Dog

Four Marilyn Monroe Impersonators

The Seven Ear Itch

MOVIE THEATRE. MARVIN STANDS NEXT TO A CHAIR FACING THE CAMERA IN HIS TRADEMARK COSTUME. MYRON IS NEARBY IN HIS TRADEMARK TEE SHIRT AND IS OBSERVING.

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) And now, "Mediocre Moments in Movies;" by Marvin D. Usher.

MARVIN

"The Man With One Red Shoe."

MARVIN SITS IN THE CHAIR. HE UNTIES AND REMOVES ONE OF HIS RED HIGH-TOP SNEAKERS.

MARVIN

Vy-oh-la! Or, as they say in France, Viola! I’m "The Man With One Red Shoe."

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) Another mediocre moment in movies by Marvin D. Usher.

MARVIN DOES THE "CAROL BURNETT" BOW. MYRON STARTS APPLAUDING.

MYRON

Bravo, maestro! Bravo!

MARVIN

(FALSE MODESTY.) Nothing to it.

MYRON

Can I do one?

MARVIN

MAY I do-

MYRON

(INTERRUPTS.) MAY I do one, please?

MARVIN

Think you’re ready, Rookie?

MYRON

Yeah, I’m ready! I want to do a classic one. (PONDERS.) Um… Let’s see…Oh! Hang on a second!

MYRON RUNS OFFSCREEN AND RETURNS WITH AN ELECTRIC FAN. HE HOLDS IT ABOVE HIS HEAD.

MYRON

Here! Stand on the chair and hold this like this!

MYRON HANDS THE FAN TO MARVIN. MARVIN STANDS ON THE CHAIR AND HOLDS THE FAN ABOVE HIS HEAD. MYRON FACES THE CAMERA.

MYRON

"The Seven Year Itch."

FOUR MARILYN MONROE IMPERSONATORS WALK PAST UNDER THE FAN. THREE ARE SCRATCHING BOTH EARS AND THE FOURTH IS SCRATCHING ONLY ONE. MARVIN CHUCKLES AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.

MARVIN

Rookie! That’s "The Seven YEAR Itch."

MYRON

"The Seven YEAR Itch?"

MARVIN

Yep!

MYRON

(CRESTFALLEN.) Oh. I thought it was ear.

MARVIN

Don’t worry about it, Rookie. (HANDS MYRON THE FAN.) Hey! Let’s go catch those girls and see if we can get this thing pointing the right way… (THEY EXIT.)

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) A rookie mistake; by Myron the Rookie.

FADE OUT.

The End

Dog is my Co-Pilot

MOVIE THEATRE. MARVIN AND MYRON STAND FACING THE CAMERA IN THEIR TRADEMARK COSTUMES. MYRON ALSO HAS ON AN OLD AVIATOR’S LEATHER HELMET, GOGGLES AND A SCARF HANGS LOOSELY FROM HIS SHOULDERS.

MARVIN

And now, "Mediocre Moments in Movies;" by Myron. (INDICATES MYRON AND STEPS ASIDE.)

MYRON

"Dog is my Co-Pilot."

MYRON THROWS THE SCARF OVER HIS SHOULDER AND WALKS OVER TO CARDBOARD BOXES MADE TO LOOK LIKE AN AIRPLANE. ROVER IS WAITING FOR HIM. MYRON GETS IN AND STARTS MAKING FLYING AND MACHINE-GUNFIRE NOISES. MARVIN CHUCKLES AND APPROACHES HIM.

MARVIN

Rookie, that’s "GOD is my Co-Pilot."

MYRON

"GOD is my Co-Pilot?"

MARVIN

Yep!

MYRON

(CRESTFALLEN.) Oh. I thought it was dog.

MARVIN

A lot of people make that mistake. Let’s take Rover for a walk so we can discuss the differences between dog and God.

MYRON

Okay.

MARVIN

Here, you carry the plastic bags.

MYRON

(GRIMACES.) Oh! I think I’m starting to get the idea already.

MARVIN

Good boy! You catch on quick! (THEY EXIT.)

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) Another rookie mistake by Myron the Rookie.

FADE OUT.

The End

Director’s Note:

Another option for the airplane is an arcade kiddy ride.