Robert Marshall, Sr………………………Dad

Helga………………………………..........Swiss teenaged girl with a Swedish accent

Bobby Marshall…………………………..Teenaged Son

Announcer………………………………..Voice-over

Japanese schoolgirl #1.……………………

Japanese schoolgirl #2.……………………

ENTRYWAY OF A SUBURBAN HOUSE. DOORBELL RINGS AS ROBERT OPENS THE DOOR. HELGA, IN A SLIGHTLY PUNKISH DUTCH GIRL COSTUME, STANDS IN THE DOORWAY.

HELGA

Hello!

ROBERT

(PUZZLED.) Can I help you?

HELGA

I’m Helga your exchange student.

ROBERT SHAKES HIS HEAD IN BEWILDERMENT.

HELGA

You are Robert Marshall?

ROBERT STILL LOOKS CONFUSED UNTIL IT HITS HIM.

ROBERT

BOBBY

(ENTERING ONSCREEN.) Yeah, Dad? (SEES HELGA.) Whoa!

HELGA WAVES COYLY. BOBBY GROWLS LUSTFULLY. ROBERT PRODUCES A DUFFEL BAG.

ROBERT

Here’s your bag, son; you’re going to Switzerland.

BOBBY

What?!

ROBERT

It’s the student exchange program, son. I exchange you for Helga and some poor schmuck in Switzerland exchanges Helga for you. (your sorry ass?)

BOBBY

You’re kidding me, right?

ROBERT

Do I look like I’m kidding? (HANDS HIM AIRLINE TICKET.) Now, here’s your plane ticket.

BOBBY

But, Dad-!

ROBERT

No buts, son! (PUSHING HIM OUT THE DOOR.) Hurry up or you’ll miss your flight! (CALLS AFTER HIM.) And drop your mother a postcard once in awhile!

ROBERT TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO HELGA. SHE GIGGLES AND SIMPERS.

ROBERT

Well, my dear; what do you want on your Rune Stone?

HELGA

Real Swiss cheese!

CUT TO MONTAGE OF PIZZA BEING BAKED AND SLICED.

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) All Rune Stone Swiss Miss pizzas are made with one hundred percent real Swiss cheese plus all your favorite toppings. What do you want on your Rune Stone?

END MONTAGE WITH ROBERT AND HELGA SHARING A PIZZA IN THE KITCHEN. SUPERIMPOSE THE RUNE STONE PIZZA LOGO.

CUT TO ENTRYWAY. DOORBELL RINGS AS ROBERT OPENS THE DOOR. TWO JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS STAND IN THE DOORWAY.

SCHOOLGIRL 1 & 2

(SCREAM TOGETHER.) ROBERT MARSHALL!!

ROBERT

(CALLING.) Billy! Joey! Get your suitcases!

ROBERT GROWLS LUSTFULLY AT THE GIRLS. THEY GIGGLE AND SIMPER.

The End