THE FLAKE CHASERS
INT. CAR – DAY
Old man DORK, a guy with a protruding chin because of a bad under bite, sits in a car with an INTERVIEWER. He is wearing really bright colored clothes and red boots. The car is a Jeep 4 wheel drive with a directional antennae mounted on the top. His car is loaded up with shovels, plastic sleds, rakes, boots and clothes of many bright colors, and a walkie-talkie.
DORK (proudly)
You hear a lot about tornado chasers, hurricane chasers, storm chasers, etc., etc., (he waves his hand as if to dismiss them), but you don’t hear much about the snowflake chaser. There’s a reason for that. There’s not a lot of us snowflake hunters left. Most of them are gone. You hear stories … that they are alive and safe somewhere, but, I think maybe the flakes got ‘em.
EXT. PARK AREA – DAY
DORK (Voice Over to the following action)
They’re tricky little buggers. Got a collective brain like the Borg. The nice ones lure you into a false sense of security, then the big mean ones get ya when you least expect it. And a lot of times they come from behind, the cowards.
Old man Dork skips along in a light snowfall with a smile on his face. Suddenly some huge snowflakes (large Styrofoam snowflakes about 3 feet in diameter in different snowflake patterns) plummet him from behind, knocking him to the ground and then pile up on him, burying him completely as he struggles helplessly on the ground.
INT. CAR – DAY
DORK
Yep. Snowflake hunting is a dangerous business. You need some pretty sophisticated and expensive equipment. From experience, you accumulate it over the years. You can’t just go out and buy it all at once.
INTERVIEWER
Why not?
Old man Dork appears at a loss for words, like he’s never been asked that question before. Finally he replies as if it’s a law of physics that can’t be broken.
DORK
Ya just can’t! (pause) If you noticed, I wear a lot of bright colors. The bright colors make it easier for the rescuers to spot me if I get ever buried by the flakes.
2.
INTERVIEWER
If you got buried, wouldn’t you just be all white like the rest of the snow, regardless of what you’re wearing?
Again old man Dork is at a loss for words. He glances back at all the colored clothing in the rear of his car. The CAR RADIO saves him from replying.
CAR RADIO
Some light snow flurries have been seen in West St. Paul.
Old man Dork’s eyes light up.
DORK
We got something!
He turns in his seat and begins to type slowly with one finger on an old manual typewriter, as he speaks the words to himself.
DORK
Snow seen in …
He stops short, appearing momentarily confused, and glances at the interviewer.
DORK
Where’d he say?
INTERVIEWER
West St. Paul.
DORK
Yes!
Old man Dork appears excited again and slowly finishes typing West St. Paul on the paper as he says the words.
DORK
West St. Paul. (then he glances up) Let’s go! We’re on the hunt!
The car accelerates off.
EXT. PARK AREA – WEST ST. PAUL – DAY
Dork’s car pulls up and stops in a small park surrounded by trees. There is a light flurry of snowflakes gently dropping.
INT. CAR – PARK AREA – WEST ST. PAUL – DAY
3.
DORK
Watch yourself now. Some of these smaller flakes are cunning. They’ll join up in gangs, you know, and get you when you least expect it.
EXT. CAR - PARK AREA – WEST ST. PAUL – DAY
Old man Dork gets out of his car. As he does, a huge glob of snow falls down on him, covering him completely. There is a FHOOMP SOUND as he gets buried. Only his hat and gloves are left showing. After a few moments, he breaks free. He shakes his fist at the sky.
DORK
I’ll get ya for that, ya flakes!
The interviewer comes around to Dork’s side of the car as old man Dork pats the snow off his clothes.
DORK
You can run from the tornado, but you can’t get away from the snowflake. Keep your eyes open. If they get to not liking you, they can make your life pretty miserable. And they’re sneaky. They hide everywhere.
Old man Dork looks all around. His eyes open wide when he sees a person in a big Styrofoam snowflake outfit peek out from behind a tree. The snowflake person ducks back behind the tree when old man Dork sees him.
DORK (pointing)
There’s a flake! Come on! Over there!
Old man Dork runs for the tree. The interviewer follows. As soon as they get close enough, people in Styrofoam snowflake outfits up in the trees toss huge Styrofoam snowflakes down onto old man Dork and the interviewer until they are completely covered. Then they laugh.
Dork and the interviewer dig out and brush snow off their clothes.
DORK
You see! Those tornado chasers, they think they got it rough. I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of tornado chasers in the world, but there’s only a handful of us flake chasers left. Statistics speak for themselves. That’s got to tell you something.
The interviewer nods politely. They see a lady walking by. She smiles as she passes them. Old man Dork appears concerned.
DORK
I have a bad feeling about this. Sometimes those dirty little rascal flakes go where they’ve got no business going.
4.
ANOTHER ANGLE
A middle sized Styrofoam snowflake about six inches in diameter lands in girl’s bra area of her dress inside her open coat and gets stuck half way in there. Offended, she gasps as she pulls it out and throws it away in disgust.
ANOTHER ANGLE
Old man Dork looks at the interviewer and nods knowingly.
DORK (Voice Over to the following action)
Early in the year, sometimes those flakes are wily enough to team up with the Minnesota mosquito. Snowflake knocks you down, and the mosquito has a tasty meal. But we know how to handle the mosquito.
EXT. PARK - DAY
A guy is walking merrily along a sidewalk. A huge Styrofoam flake knocks him down from behind, pinning him to the ground. Then a great big mosquito about the size of an eagle lands on his back as he lay flat on the ground. A great big flyswatter swats the mosquito on the guy, unfortunately squishing the guy too. There is the SOUND of a great big WHAP! The guy lets out a groan and goes limp.
ANOTHER ANGLE to feature old man Dork nodding with a satisfied smile as he holds the big flyswatter.
EXT. PARK AREA – WEST ST. PAUL – DAY
Old man Dork and the interviewer are walking back to their car.
DORK
Here. Turn off your camera a second. Get a shot of me walking back to the car alone with the snow and the flag in the background.
The interviewer sighs, goes to the car and turns around to film old man Dork as he swaggers back to his car.
DORK
To all you kids out there, I know the flakes are scary. But rest assured, you can go to bed feeling safe knowing people like me will be out there so you don’t have to be. Because we are the flake chasers.
Old man Dork nods once to put an exclamation point on his statement. As soon as he finishes, a powerful wind takes him. He grabs hold of a flag pole, but the wind is so powerful it lifts him up parallel to the ground and his legs flap in the wind like a flag. Then a bunch of huge Styrofoam flakes hit him, knocking loose his grip, and he flies parallel to the ground into a huge snowdrift feet first and is completely buried. Only the top of his stocking cap and the tips of his hands can be seen wiggling out from the snow bank.
TITLE OVER: FLAKE CHASERS, THE UNSUNG HEROES
 WaZoo! |
 Past Episodes |
 Ideas |
 Talent Pool |
 Walden home |
 |
This site designed and maintained by Celtic Fringe Web Design