Ahoy!
By Timothy Meinke
Cast
Mr. Wheeler .Ship's Wheelsman
Captain Docker Ships's Captain
Officer Port ..Harbormaster
Gabby ..Chief Engineer; female voice on intercom
This screenplay was written with the S.S. Meteor in Superior, Wisconsin as the intended location. The videotape would be edited so it would be appear to be an old black and white 16mm film. If the Meteor is unavailable for location shooting, the footage shot at the alternative location can be normal contemporary videotape. A list of alternative locations is at the end of the script.
Camera opens on old photograph of a whaleback vessel under steam. Ship's horn blasts. Cut to interior of the pilothouse. Steam engines roaring is faintly heard. Mr. Wheeler is standing at the wheel. Captain Docker enters.
Mr. Wheeler
Captain on the bridge!
Captain
Prepare to dock ship!
Mr. Wheeler
Aye, Captain Docker sir!
Captain
Ring up dead ahead slow!
Mr. Wheeler rings engine room telegraph.
Mr. Wheeler
Answering dead ahead slow, sir!
Captain
Take 'er in Mr. Wheeler!
Mr. Wheeler
Aye, aye sir!
Captain
Steady Steady as she goes
Mr. Wheeler
Aye-
Crashing noises. Camera shakes. Crew is jostled about.
Mr. Wheeler
(Slightly woozy.) Aye, sir!
Captain
Ring up all stop!
Mr. Wheeler rings up engine room telegraph.
Mr. Wheeler
Answers all stop!
Captain
(Into intercom.) Done with engines, Gabby!
Gabby
(Over intercom.) Aye, sir! Done with engines!
Sound of engines die down.
Captain
Tie 'er up Mr. Wheeler.
Mr. Wheeler
(Misunderstands what or whom to tie up.) Sir?
Captain
The ship, Mr. Wheeler! The ship!
Mr. Wheeler
Oh! Aye, sir! Right away, sir!
Cut to shore. Officer Port is walking along. He stops and calls up to pilothouse.
Port
Ahoy! Ahoy up there!
Mr. Wheeler
(At window or pilothouse door.) Ahoy there, matey!
Port
Ahoy! Who is the captain of this vessel?
Mr. Wheeler
(Hesitates.) Uh, who wants to know?
Port
(Flashing his badge.) Officer Port! I'm the harbormaster here!
Mr. Wheeler
(To captain.) Uh, sir? The harbormaster is looking for the captain.
Captain
What does he want?
Mr. Wheeler
(To Port.) What do you want?
Port
You can't dock this vessel here!
Mr. Wheeler
(To captain.) He says we can't dock here.
Captain
Why not?
Mr. Wheeler
(To Port.) Why not?
Port
You have to have the proper permit to dock here!
Mr. Wheeler
(To captain.) He says we don't have the proper permit.
Captain
Sure, we do! It's around here, somewhere. (Looks around.) Help me look for it.
They look around. Mr. Wheeler finds it and holds it in such a way that the camera can't quite see what it is.
Mr. Wheeler
I found it!
Captain
Let the harbormaster see it.
Mr. Wheeler
(To Port.) Here's our permit!
Port
Fine! Now, just hang it up somewhere so we can see it!
Mr. Wheeler
Aye, aye sir!
Cut to close-up of Mr. Wheeler's hands hanging blue handicap permit over pilothouse window. Cut to shore. Officer Port walks off screen passing a handicap signpost as he does. The final shot is the signpost with the ship in the background. Ship's horn blasts. Fade to black.
The End
If it is technically feasible and cost-effective, I would like the handicap signs to be colorized to blue.
Alternative Locations
- S.S. William A. Irvin in Duluth, Mn.
- Streetcar boat Minnehaha on Lake Minnetonka.
- A Jonathan Padelford excursion boat on the Mississippi River.
- Any of the larger boats tied up at Harriet Island and the St. Paul Yacht Club.
- A line tugboat tied up at the Lower Landing.
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