Alien Abduction Group
INT. LIVING ROOM, DAY
A group of four meets in a living room. There is a sign on the wall that says
'GIHIGABA Society – "Geez I Hope I Get Abducted By Aliens" '.They are
all wearing aluminum foil hats. FRED stands to address them.
FRED
The Gihigaba, Geez I hope I Get Abducted By Aliens society
monthly meeting will now come to order. The first order of business
is a report by Steve on how our new tin foil hats are working. Steve?
STEVE stands.
STEVE
Thanks Fred. Well as you know we had hoped that the hats would
act as an antennae to help transmit our thoughts to any telepathic
aliens out there with our desires to be abducted. Well they don't
seem to be working. After a month of wearing these none of us
has gotten abducted.
RON interrupts.
RON
But wait a minute! Earl isn't here! He might have been abducted.
The group gets excited with alternate 'Ya's.
FRED
That's true. He might have done it!
MARY stands.
MARY
Earl has done it! He's been abducted by aliens!!
They all start cheering and jumping around.
RON
Long live Earl!!
They all cheer. Just then EARL walks in, also wearing his tin foil hat.
EARL
Hey everyone! What are you so happy about?
The group groans in disappointment.
MARY
We thought you were abducted.
EARL
No I had trouble on the bus ride over here. People didn't like me and
wanted me to get off.
FRED
Well, lets continue the meeting. I have some more bad news. Ed,
the guy we all worshipped as a true alien abductee, it turns out
the scar on his stomach is from where he had his appendix out when he
was eight. Not a mysterious surgical procedure done by light beings
from Alpha Centauri.
RON
But you don't know that for sure!?
STEVE
I was talking with his mom, who he lives with. She told me.
They are all dejected and don't say anything for a few moments.
MARY
If Ed didn't really get abducted then how do we know it's even
possible? I mean, what is the purpose of all this? Wearing these
aluminum hats. Watching Star Trek for clues on how to contact
aliens. Dancing and chanting loudly at midnight in our front yards.
EARL
She's right! Who are we kidding? We look like fools. We should just
quit all this.
Random agreement from the group.
FRED
But we can't quit now! We've come too far to give up.
Just then two men in white coats, BOB and SAM, come in. They go to Ron.
FRED
Can we help you?
BOB
Ron your family is worried about you. We've come to take you
somewhere where you can be helped.
RON
I can't go! We're trying to get kidnapped by aliens and I can't miss that!
SAM
Ah. Well, don't you recognize us?
RON
No.
SAM
I'm Samuron and this is Boburon. We're from the planet Institute-idus,
in another galaxy.
The group gasps.
BOB
That's right. We've come to take you away in our ship to live on our
planet.
The group falls to the floor and worships them.
RON
I…I…can't believe it!
STEVE
Are you the group that is creating a proto human and fish species to
live in the oceans of your planet?
SAM
Why, yes! That's us.
EARL
Can we go with you!? Please please please??!
BOB
I'm sorry. We don't have enough beds..er.room…on our ship. But I'm
sure eventually we'll be back for you too.
SAM
Lets go Ron.
They lead Ron out and the rest remain in a worshipful bow on the floor.
When he's gone they get up and start cheering, jumping and hugging each other.
STEVE
We did it!! The hats work!
FRED
I move that we make tin foil underwear and wear no other clothes
to maximize the power of our thought wave transmissions.
MARY
I second that motion.
STEVE
A motion has been made. All in favor say aye!
ALL
Aye!
STEVE
It's unanimous. We'll all wear tin foil underwear and nothing
else until the aliens come back for us.
EARL
And Ron is our new hero.
MARY
To Ron!
ALL
Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray!
They start singing and marching out.
We are Gihigaba, resolute and brave
We want the aliens to take us away.
Then we'll live in a paradise true.
From us they'll make proto-humans too!
Repeat as they leave.
END.
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