by Timothy Meinke

Slow Andy.................................................................Tourist in Paris

Jacques.......................................................................French Cheese Shop Owner

French Ambassador to the U.N.................................

English subtitles will be used anytime a foreign language is spoken.

Open with montage of Paris street scenes and the Eiffel Tower. An accordion plays French music. Cut to cheese shop window. Sign in window reads, "Special d’aujourd’hui troi genres de fromage 10 francs." Cut to shop interior. Jacque sits by the cash register. A bell above the door rings as Andy enters. He carries a backpack and an open English/French dictionary.

Jacque

Bon Jour, Monsieur.

Andy

Bon Jour! (Reads from dictionary.) Excusez-moi, svp. Parlez-vous anglais?

Jacque

Yes, I speak English.

Andy is puzzled. He sets the backpack on the counter, digs into it and takes out an English/Italian dictionary. He thumbs through it and finds what he’s looking for.

Andy

Scusila, per favore. Parlate inglese?

Jacque

(Irritated.) I speak English.

Andy is even more confused. He digs through backpack. Jacque expresses annoyance. Andy takes out an English/German dictionary and opens it.

Andy

Entschuldigen Sie mich, bitte. Sprechen Sie Englisch?

Jacque

(Annoyed.) I said I speak English!

Andy is still confused. He digs through backpack, again. Jacque grunts in frustration. Andy takes out an English/ Spanish dictionary and opens it.

Andy

Excuseme, por favor. Usted habla ingles?

Jacque

(Trying new tactic.) Oui, je parlez anglais.

Andy

I’m sorry. I don’t speak French.

Jacque erupts in rage and lunges for Andy. Abrupt cut to exterior of the U.N. Building. Cut to the French ambassador to the U.N. addressing the Security Council.

Ambassador

(In French with English subtitles.) ...Given the current state of diplomatic relations, France has no alternative but to declare that a state of war now exists between the nations of France and the United States of America.

The End