Andy's Flash

A Slow Andy Sketch

by Timothy Meinke

Cast

Slow Andy................................................................

Amy Driver..............................................................Car Driver

Amy at Sixteen........................................................Andy's Prom Date

Mel...........................................................................Short Order Cook

Lee-Lee....................................................................Chinese Waitress

Pierre........................................................................Snooty French Waiter

Army Sergeant..........................................................

Andy at Four, Andy at Ten, Andy at Sixteen, Andy in the Army

Andy is crossing a busy street. Sound of screeching tires. Andy turns to look at camera. Cut to close-up of Amy's terrified face through windshield. Cut to Andy's quizzical face. Cut to greasy spoon diner. Four-year-old Andy sits at counter reading an upside-down menu. Mel stands behind counter.

4 YO Andy

I'll have a hammerger,' French fries and orange pop!

Mel leans in menacingly to Andy.

Mel

(Growls.) Now, you listen to me you little TWIT! We don't have orange POP!

4 YO Andy

(Starts to cry.) MOMMY!! The big, bad man scared me!

Cut to Chinese restaurant six years later. Ten-year-old Andy reads menu as Lee-Lee stands by.

Ten YO Andy

I'll have a hamburger, French fries and orange pop.

Lee-Lee

See the chopstick? This is Chinese restaurant! No hamburgers!

Lee-Lee grabs Andy's nose with chopsticks.

Ten YO Andy

(Rapidly.) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Cut to French restaurant six years later. Sixteen-year-old Andy and Amy sit at the table dressed for Prom. Andy is reading from the menu. Pierre stands by.

16 YO Andy

The lady will have a hamburger, French fries and orange pop.

Pierre

(French accent.) Monsieur, we do not serve French fried potatoes here.

16 YO Andy

Isn't this a French restaurant?

Pierre

Indeed, it is sir. But, French fried potatoes are not on our menu.

16 YO Amy

I can't believe you brought me here so you can order me a hamburger!

16 YO Andy

Well, can we- (Chuckles.) I said oui! Get it?

Amy and Pierre stare with disdain at him.

16 YO Andy

Can we have our orange pop now, please?

Pierre produces a pitcher of orange soda.

Pierre

Madamoiselle?

16 YO Amy

Merci beaucoup, Monsieur.

Amy dumps orange soda on Andy. Pierre snatches Andy's boutonniere, crumples it and throws it in Andy's face. Pierre offers his arm to Amy.

Pierre

Madamoiselle, may I have the pleasure of escorting you to the Prom?

16 YO Amy

Indeed you may, Pierre.

Pierre

(American accent.) Ah! Call me Pete! And what is your name?

16 YO Amy

Amy.

Pierre

(Escorts her off.) Wanna' pick up a twelve-pack on the way, Amy?

16 YO Andy

(Snaps fingers after them.) Croissant! {sic} How's the escargot?

Cut to Army base a few years later. Andy stands in field with an MRTE. Sergeant is in Andy's face.

Sergeant

For the last time, soldier! MRTEs do not come with orange pop! Now, drop and give me twenty!

Andy drops down off screen to the sound of car impacting body. Cut to close-up of Andy lying on his back with a hubcap over his face. Amy's hands remove the hubcap from his face.

Amy

(Off screen.) Andy? Is that you?

Andy opens his eyes and looks up.

Andy

Hi, Amy.

Amy

(Close-up.) Omigod, Andy Are you okay? Can I help you?

Andy

(Close-up.) Yeah. I want a hamburger, French fries and orange pop.

Amy

(Indignant.) What? Do I look like a waitress to you?

Andy

Well...yes.

Cut to wider angle. Amy is holding the hubcap like a waitress would carry a serving platter. She tosses it aside and helps Andy to a sitting position.

Amy

Oh, Andy (Kisses him affectionately.) You never change, do you? Tell you what- come with me and the hamburgers, French fries and orange pop are on me

Andy and Amy are pelted with hamburgers, French fries and doused with orange pop.

The End

Director's notes: The same actress could play Amy at both ages. The children's ages are not set in stone; there can be some leeway in casting by age. Another idea would be to have the adult actor play Andy at every age.

This site designed and maintained by Celtic Fringe Web Design