Blue Sheep Ice Cream

ANNOUNCER (female)

GUY A

GUY B

GUY C

[Open on GUY A]

ANNOUNCER (off camera)

Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction?

GUY A

Nothing’s happening down there! [Punches himself in the groin] See? Nothing!

[Switch to GUY B]

ANNOUNCER (off camera)

Premature ejaculation?

GUY B

Wow, you have a pretty voice. [Thrusts his crotch forward, starts shuddering and looks down] Oh man, not again….

[Switch to GUY C curled into a ball on the floor]

ANNOUNCER (off camera)

Priapism?

GUY C

I’ve had this erection for three weeks and it won’t go away!

[Switch to ANNOUNCER holding out three pints of ice cream]

ANNOUNCER

Here, guys, have some Blue Sheep brand ice cream. You’ll feel better in no time.

[Switch to A, B & C on a couch watching TV, blankets over their shoulders, eating ice cream straight from the tubs]

GUY A

I feel so pathetic. I can’t even please my wife anymore.

GUY B

I know how you feel. I’ve tried the squeeze technique, using four condoms at once, thinking about my grandmother naked… I still don’t last more than about 45 seconds.

GUY C [curled up in a ball]

I had sex with my girlfriend for 9 ½ hours last night and nothing happened for either of us. Oh God, this hurts so much….

[GUY A & B glare at C, lunge forward and start strangling him]

[Switch to ANNOUNCER holding a pint of ice cream]

ANNOUNCER

Remember, guys, if sex with your partner isn’t working the way it should, just grab a Sheep—you’ll feel better in no time.

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