3/7/02

ETHNIC COOKING WITH GOLDA AND LENA

By Jean Anderson and Pam Kaufman

At beginning of cooking show, Golda and Lena don't know the camera is on. They are nervously getting the kitchen and themselves ready and are chit-chatting about the possibility of using Lena's "roadkill apron and hat"—they may make reference to the PETA people.

Lena

Golda, do I have too much rouge on? You know I don't want to look like a floozy.

Golda

Oh no, you can use more.

Lena

Oh Golda, I love your dress, where did you get it?

Golda

You mean this old schmatta? Go on. (sees camera) (solte voce to Lena) Oy, the camera's on.

Lena

(to camera) Hi, I'm Lena.

Golda

And I'm Golda. Welcome to "Ethnic Cooking with Golda and Lena".

Lena

Today we will make one of Golda's Indian dishes—

Golda

(interrupts Lena who ignores her) That's East Indian.

Lena

"Curried Tuna Noodle Casserole".

Golda

It is such a favorite at our house. (just thinking of this) You know, this would be an excellent recipe to send Cynthia off to college with. (explaining to camera) Cynthia's my daughter. So listen carefully if you also have a son or daughter getting ready to go off to school.

Lena

Oh ya, it would be a good wholesome recipe, and it's easy and fast to make.

Golda

That's right, Lena.

Lena

Golda, you mean Cynthia's going off to college this year? I can remember when she was a sweet little baby. Oh my goodness.

Golda

Well, of course she will always be my baby, but she is going off to college this year.

Lena

I bet you've done a lot of clothes shopping with her.

Golda

Are you kidding? You think she'd let her mother go shopping with her? What do I know? I'm only her mother. Kids today. They think we have no taste.

Golda starts her monologue (see below) and Lena starts making the recipe—nothing is set up ahead of time like most cooking shows. Lena is not really listening to Golda, but says "Ya, ya" once in a while and begins to make the recipe. Lena will interject once in a while about what she is demonstrating. First she will demonstrate how to boil water. She carefully measures water into saucepan. After putting pan on stove, she puts cover on the pot.

Lena

Because it will boil faster. Temperature needed is high. (Reads recipe. Lena gets out casserole and shows it with lid that fits on it. Then she takes butter out of refrigerator and shows it to camera.) We use butter, not margarine. (She cuts up the butter and puts it into casserole.) It is okay to put in cold butter from the fridge. (She takes out an onion and shows it to camera. She slowly chops an onion.) Sniff..I'm sorry, it makes me cry. (continues chopping) Sometimes I put a little more in.

Golda

(Notices what Lena is doing ) It doesn't need more than that--No!

Lena puts onion in casserole with the butter, covers it, and puts the covered casserole in microwave.

Golda

You have to do this til the onions change color.

Lena

Keep checking and maybe mix it around a little bit.

Golda

(to camera) You know what I mean about the onion changing color? The onion will turn clear, maybe a little yellow from the butter—that's good.

Golda and Lena will run out of time and need to continue the recipe the next week, and then continue it another week, taking 3 weeks to complete this "fast and easy" recipe.

Golda's monologue (The Grosse Von Hinten Story):

I remember when I was getting ready to go off to school—my mother and my aunt helped me pick out clothes for college – what did I know – we listened to our parents back then—anyway, I remember my mother pointing out to my aunt very hush hush so I wouldn't hear and in Yiddish so I would understand! That I had a "grosse von hinten"! (to camera) Do you know what that means?—Big ass! (to director off side) Can I say "ass) on television? (to camera) Like I'm not going to understand what she's saying—My Mother did that my whole childhood—spoke Yiddish to say "adult" things—only she didn't know enough Yiddish so there'd always there'd always be enough English that anyone with half a brain would know what she was saying—like"schweig, meine kleine's du" – If I heard that once, I heard it a million time when I was growing up—that means "shuddup, my kid is around"—Anyway, I heard her and it registered here (points to heart) and now I'm telling my shrink about it this morning. (to Lena) Did I tell you I only see him once a week now? That was his idea. (to camera) Now, what was I saying? Oh, yes—getting Cynthia ready for school—I can't believe my baby is leaving for college! And I wouldn't dare say anything about her "grosse von

hinten"—though she does take after her mother, but I wouldn't say anything like my mother did (notices camera, looks embarrassed, flustered, etc.) Oh, no Sweetheart, your ass is beautiful—I swear to God—gorgious—really!

Director

You're going too long. Wrap it up girls.

Lena

Tune in next week for the conclusion of the "Curried Tuna Noodle Casserole" recipe. ‘til then, I'm Lena; well, I'll be Lena after that too.

Golda

And I'm Golda.

Lena and Golda

Happy Ethnic Cooking.

Golda

You don't use so much onion—you won't taste anything else.

Lena

(They argue for a bit then they realize the camera is still on—both smile at camera and wave goodbye.)