GROUNDS
by Deane Morrison
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Happy ORGAN MUSIC swells as well-dressed people arrive.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
A BRIDE AND GROOM, seen from the back, stand before a CLERGYMAN, who mumbles as the music dies down. The couple turn and smile at each other, then look back at the clergyman.
CLERGYMAN
And therefore, if any person can show cause why these two should not be joined together, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.
MAN’S VOICE
Don’t marry her!
The groom turns and stares in dismay.
MAN’S VOICE
She’s lousy in bed!
CLERGYMAN
She is not!
The groom’s head spins back to the clergyman, then to the bride. He stares at her in real dismay as the clergyman resumes the service.
CLERGYMAN
Do you, John, take Elizabeth to be your lawfully wedded wife, to ...
THE END
VARIATION: WOMAN shouts: He’s lousy in bed!
CLERGYMAN says: He is not!
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