Great Moments In British History

A British talk show.

Characters:

Sir Richard Braatwurst, the show’s host

Colonel Preston Wilson – British WWII war hero.

Announcer – And now, ‘Great Moments In British History’ with Sir Richard Braatwurst.

INT. TALK SHOW SETTING - DAY

(Braatwurst and Wilson in chairs).

RICHARD

Today we are honored to have with us a highly decorated World War II hero,

from Her Majesty’s Fighting 64^th battalion, a group that fought in north Africa

against Rommell, Colonel Preston Wilson. Thank you for joining us Colonel.

PRESTON

It’s my pleasure to be here.

RICHARD

Colonel, those years in north Africa were certainly grueling. Among the worst

conditions any British soldiers faced. How did you and your men manage to get

along?

PRESTON

Well first we had a great group of fellows. We were close and cared for each

other. When we could we’d sing songs, play cards and do our sewing.

RICHARD

(beat) Uh, sewing, you mean because your uniforms were constantly torn and you

had to repair them yourselves.

PRESTON

No, the fellows just liked to sew. (laughs) Needlepoint, cross-stitch, even a bit of

macrame. It was very relaxing. The lads even liked to have quilting bees.

RICHARD

(beat) Ah, I see. Rough conditions made new forms of entertainment necessary.

PRESTON

Sure!

RICHARD

It is told that your battalion held the largest number of enemy troops. How did

you capture them?

PRESTON

Oh we never captured any ourselves. We were in charge of watching the prisoners

of other battalions.

RICHARD

You never captured any yourselves?

PRESTON

Nope! Not a one.

RICHARD

Ah, (beat) but the army knew of your tough reputation and knew the enemy prisoners wouldn’t try anything under your watch.

PRESTON

Not really. They just wanted us out of the way. Less chance of hurting someone.

RICHARD

Er…Well I’m sure you were thorough in your duties.

PRESTON

Oh yes. We made the best of it. For relaxation at night we’d search all the prisoners, find some volunteers, and have them tie us up and give us good severe spankings.

RICHARD

(Shocked) S-spankings?

PRESTON

Yes. It takes a German soldier to give a good disciplined spanking. A few of our boys remained lifelong friends with them after the war.

RICHARD

(Flustered) Well lets talk about something else. The 64^th had a reputation of being a fearsome fighting force and…

PRESTON

(interrupting) Not really.

RICHARD

What do you mean?

PRESTON

We were generally a lot of pantywaists who cried and wet ourselves when the first shot was fired. We usually retreated and left behind our supplies. Everyone made fun of us.

RICHARD

Well I see we’ve run out of time…

PRESTON

I thought we had a half hour?

RICHARD

I’m sorry, you’re mistaken, we only had (looks at watch) three minutes. Until next time, I’m Sir Richard Braatwurst for Great Moments in British History (beat). (Stands, as leaving to off camera) Don’t you bloody well research these puffs before we put them on?

This site designed and maintained by Celtic Fringe Web Design