Ninny

"Ninny"

Bob McClain

NINNY

Set: Stuffy man (bored) behind desk in bland office. (think John Cleese) (No English accents please)

Knock!

Manbehinddesk: Come in please.

2^nd man enters.

2^nd man. (think Michael Palin) Yes. Thank you for seeing me.

Manbehinddesk: Have a seat please. What can I do for you?

2^nd man: I’m here about the position of ninny.

Manbehinddesk: We’re not looking for a ninny. The ad said we were looking for a nanny.

2^nd man: That’s right, nanny. That’s the job I’m here for.

Manbehinddesk: Nonsense. I expressly heard you say ninny.

2^nd man: No, no, I couldn’t have said ninny. I already have a part-time ninny gig Thursdays and weekends. I’m looking for a full-time job as a nanny.

Manbehinddesk: All right, fine. What qualifications do you have to be a nanny?

Grabs a pencil and paper.

2^nd man: (pause) I have a cat.

Manbehinddesk: What in God’s name does having a cat have to do with being a nanny?

2^nd man: Are you kidding? Ever try to potty train one of those things? Getting their little paws balanced on a slippery toilet seat. And the toilet paper! All they want to do is play with it!

Manbehinddesk: What on earth are you babbling about? Just put out a litter box. They know what it’s for.

2^nd man: Litter box? What’s a litter box?

Manbehinddesk: That’s it! Out of my office!

2^nd man: But you don’t understand. (Jumps to feet – breaks into song and dance)

Oh can’t you really see,

it’s an opportunity for me.

If I were a ninny…

Manbehinddesk: (Gets up and starts dancing with him) Or a nanny…

Both: In silky white panties,

2^nd man: It would be an opportunity for me to be…

Manbehinddesk: Who you really want to be?

2^nd man: A ninny