Old Lady Piano Moving Company

 

By Dan Johnson 10/9/2000

 

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

 

A little old lady, Esther, is sitting in a rocking chair knitting. Her phone rings a bunch of times as she slowly stands, sets down her things, shuffles to the phone and picks it up. This all takes a long time as she's very frail and slow.

 

ESTHER

                        Hello?

 

MALE VOICE ON OTHER END

                        Hello! This is Steve Anderson. You gave us the best rate quote so we'd

                        like to have your firm do the job.

 

ESTHER

                        Okey dokey! We'll be right over. Bye bye!

 

She hangs up then picks up and dials. (pause while phone rings).

 

ESTHER

                        Hello Myrtle? We got the job. Get the others and I'll pick you up in

                        fifteen minutes. (beat) Bye bye!

 

She puts on a shawl and leaves her apartment.

 

EXT. STREET - DAY

 

Esther gets into her car. Shot of sign on door saying 'Old Lady Piano Movers - We get the job done, eventually'. She drives off slowly, jerky, hitting something on the way. Interior shot of her driving barely able to see over steering wheel.

 

EXT. STREET - DAY

 

She stops in front of a house and honks. Three other old ladys come out, one has a walker, and get in the car. One is carrying a plate of cookies. They drive off, jerky, hit something.

 

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

 

They arrive at a house, hit something as they pull up. They get out slowly. One with the walker slowly trails behind. Steve and his wifegreet them at the door.

 

STEVE

                        Thanks for coming on such short notice. And your rate was $200

                        cheaper than any other piano moving company.

 

ESTHER

                        That's just fine, Steve. When you're barely able to make ends meet

                        on a fixed income like we are any little bit like this helps out.

 

Shot of Steve and his wife reacting with guilt and doubt.

 

INT. HOME DAY

 

Steve guides them to the piano.

 

STEVE

                        I'd just like to have it moved from here into the next room.

 

ESTHER

                        Should be able to do it. Let's try it girls.

 

They start working on it. They groan. Their faces turn red. The piano barely moves. The woman with the walker holds with one hand.

 

STEVE

                        (Concerned) Should my wife and I help?

 

ESTHER

                        No. We need to earn our money!

 

Steve and his wife back off while the old ladies toil. Then there's a loud, sickening, crack and the woman with the walker falls over and grabs her hip.

 

WINNEFRED

                        (Howling in pain) OH MY HIP!!! I BROKE MY HIP!

 

The others don't stop to help her they just step over her as they move the piano forward. A couple times Winnefred is stepped on. Steve and his wife try to help her.

 

INT. NEXT ROOM

 

They've gotten the piano into the next room. Winnefred still lies groaning in the other room. The shot shows her lying in the background.

 

STEVE

                        Well, you did it! I wasn't sure if you'd make it! Thanks so much! Here's

                         the $8 you quoted. Plus, here's a $1 tip!

 

ESTHER

                        Thank you and here's a plate of cookies we made for you.

 

She gives him the cookies.

 

STEVE

                        Thanks!!

 

ESTHER

                        Could you do us a big favor and take Winnefred to the hospital for us?

                        On our fixed incomes we can't afford an ambulance.

 

STEVE

                        (dubious) Sure.

 

EXT. MYRTLE'S CAR - DAY

 

The remaining three all are in the car ready to leave.

 

MYRTLE

                        Remind me to put up an ad at the retirement home for another piano

                        mover. I don't think Winnefred is going to survive this one.

 

Parting shot of car leaving, slowly, jerky, hits something as it leaves.

 

END