How to Talk Yourself into a Ticket

"HOW TO TALK YOURSELF INTO A TICKET"

(Scene: officer pulling over a man with a teenager for speeding. The teen is begging to drive and in the end gets to do so).

Kid: why can't I drive? You never let me drive. I've had my license for 3 months already!

(Camera shot: dad looking in rear view mirror seeing flashing police car lights).

Dad: shit, damn it.

Officer: Sir, do you know how fast you were going?

Dad: Of course I do.

Officer: Is there a reason you were speeding?

Dad: Officer I couldn't have been speeding, I had my cruise control set at 55 miles per hour!

Kid: Dad, you don't have cruise control.

Dad: Shut up and let me talk to this idiot.

Officer: Sir you were doing 70 in a 55, but to be a nice guy I'll write it up as only 10 over so

your fine won't be so much.

Dad: Officer I wasn't speeding, I looked at my speedometer and I Swear I Was doin' 55.

Kid: My daddy swears a lot!

Dad: I said shut up you little numskull.

Officer, I saw clearly I wasn't doin' more than 55 miles an hour.

Kid: Hey dad, Where's your glasses? You can't read without your glasses.

Dad: I told you to shut your little mouth!

Officer: Young lady, does he always talk to you that way?

Kid: No, only when he's drinking.

Officer: (smiling) Oh, what a sweet little girl you are. (getting out the cuffs)

Kid: I always wear my seatbelt too!

Officer: Did your daddy have his on?

Kid: no, but he put it on when he said shit and dam it.

(dad shaking his head in his hands, officer cuffs dad.)

Kid: yes! Now I can drive home.

(teen gestures arms curled to chest on "yes")

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