By Dan Johnson, Jan. 2001
INT. DAY APARTMENT
Messy apartment. Cans, chip bags, pizza boxes, debris everywhere. Bill, unshaven, dirty t-shirt, slovenly, is watching ‘Andy Griffith Show’. He’s talking to the t.v. while eating chips and drinking beer.
| Andy! Don’t tell Clara that! She’ll just blab it all over town! | ||
| (beat) Geez. |
(pause)
| Hey, Opey! You’re going to be a famous movie director when you grow up! I’ve got ‘Apollo 13’ right here!! |
Holds up the video towards the t.v.
| See??! |
Puts it down and keeps eating.
| Gomer! Hi Gom’! You get your own show later too! | ||
| It’s one of my favorites! |
Bill laughs uproariously.
| Barney! Got your bullet Barn’? (laughs again). |
Bill starts reciting the show’s dialog, word for word.
| Send your pledge to public television. Before it’s too late. |
Bill stands and enthusiastically whistles the Andy Griffith theme song while
imitating Opey walking with a fishing pole and throwing a rock.
END
Messy apartment. Obsessed t.v. addict. Chip bags and other food remnants around. Talks to the screen. Watches everything. Yells at Andy Griffith. Watches show just like would a football game. “Barney don’t ask Clara where Andy is. You know she doesn’t know and she’ll just blab it all over town. Just ask Opey. Hey Opey, you know you’re going to be a famous director someday? You’re going to direct Apollo 13! I saw it 12 times Opey! Oh There’s Gomer! I love him! He’s far better than Goober. (Mouths a few of the lines as they say them.) “Public television. Send your pledge now, before it’s too late.”
 WaZoo! |
 Past Episodes |
 Ideas |
 Talent Pool |
 Walden home |
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