by
Bob McClain
hoppinbob57@yahoo.com
STREET CORNER IN COMMERCIAL DISTRICT-NIGHT
Three streetwalkers lean against the wall, smoking cigarettes and talking. A car pulls up. First girl struts up and leans in driver's window.
GIRL 1
(Trashy)
What can I do ya for, Hotstuff?
JOHN
(Nervous)
I...I've never done anything like this before.
GIRL 1
You just tell mama what you need and let me make it all better for you.
JOHN
It's...it's my car. The front end shimmies around fifty-five to sixty miles per hour. I've taken it to Junkyard Bob's shop a half-dozen times. The problem keeps getting worse and so does my bank account. Can you help me?
GIRL 1
Sure, sugar, no problem. Take it to Luigi's at Third and MacArthur. They do 'on the car' strobe balancing. That'll clear it right up. Tell 'em Suzy sent ya.
JOHN
Gee, thanks!
GIRL 1
(tease)
Anything for you, sugar. Oh, and, stay away from Junkyard Bob. He's the kind of guy that would neuter your cat with a hatchet.
Driver looks down at crotch, makes face. Car pulls away. Girl walks back to group. Another car pulls up. Different girl swaggers up to his car.
GIRL 2
What's shakin' honey?
JOHN 2
Hey doll. Can you help me out?
GIRL 2
I'd love to help you out.
JOHN 2
Great. I fish with a plastic-worm Texas-rig on a spinning tackle, and I keep getting my line twisted.
GIRL 2
Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Just put a little swivel in your line about twelve inches above your hook. That'll straighten everything out.
JOHN 2
Wow, you're the best. Thanks.
John 2 drives off. Girl 2 returns to group. Another car pulls up. Third girl approaches the car. John 3 is a real geek.
GIRL 1
Sell it sister. Sell it to the man!
JOHN 3
(Blusters almost before car stops)
I've got a calculus test tomorrow and I can't get the basic formula for deriving limits using Taylor Polynomials.
GIRL 3
Ooh, polynomials are sooo sexy. The formula is limit times x squared minus the sine of x squared over one minus the cosine of x cubed.
JOHN 3
Ohmigawd! Ohmigawd! That's it! You're a lifesaver!
GIRL 3
All in a working girls night, sugar.
Car races off. Girl 3 struts back to the other girls and gets a high five from each. Another car pulls up. Girl 1 approaches.
JOHN 4
Ain't you the trampy little sex kitten. Whattaya do for fifty bucks?
GIRL 1
Beat it ya creep! Whattaya take us for?
The girls all yell at him and throw trash at his car. He races off.
GIRL 2
Jeez, you believe that guy?
GIRL 3
Man, what a loser!
GIRL 1
I heard that!
GIRL 2
Well, I don't know about you girls but I'm callin' it a night.
GIRL 3
Yeah, me too.
GIRL 1
I'm gonna hang out a little longer, catch any stragglers.
GIRL 3
All right, sister. You be careful and we'll see you tomorrow.
GIRL 2
See ya.
GIRL 1
G'night.
Girls 2 and 3 stroll off while Girl 1 leans against the wall, lights a cigarette, and watches for another car.
THE END
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